The Margaret Martini

 This drink was inspired by a woman called ‘Margaret’ (you’d guessed that much) who was one of my most memorable students when I used to teach stained glass in the evenings at a college in Connecticut. The class was for all ability levels; some people were there to learn the basics, other people were antique dealers who wanted to repair their Tiffany lamps themselves. Others were just hobbyists, and Margaret fell into this last category. Margaret was, and undoubtedly still is, mentally handicapped. I know that sounds distinctly un-festive, especially in contrast to the merrymaking, mischief-having tone of this blog; but it is integral to the story.

Stained glass, as you can imagine, can be a dangerous hobby. You must deal with a poker-hot soldering iron and of course masses of broken and cut glass. You’ve got to wield a cutter and make strategic snaps and some of the glass, even in the hands of pros, can react unexpectedly. To be honest, everyone gets a boo-boo now and then. You put on a Band-Aid and suck it up, so to speak. But Margaret, being mentally challenged (again, my apologies), also possessed extremely poor motor skills. In short, stained glass was probably the one class in the entire offering of the syllabus that was not suited to Margaret. And she signed up two semesters in a row.

The thing about Margaret that inspired this cocktail was the manner in which she reacted to sudden and ear-shattering breakages. You must understand that the rest of the class was in a continued state of concentration; some were painting on the glass, some experimenting with decorative soldering on the seams of their fragments, and some were rolling their well-oiled cutters carefully and painstakingly across the surface of their chosen glass. It would seem that, always at the most tense, most heavy and dense moments of silence, Margaret would accidentally drop an enormous sheet of glass on the concrete floor or, more often, her entire piece. The noisy crash or shattering glass would always – always – be accompanied by Margaret simultaneously shouting, ‘F**k it, I knew that was going to happen’.  Always the same phrase, always shouted to match the pitch of the ear-splintering smash. She would always roll the phrase together so that it sounded like one long word. She never deviated from that phrase and she never failed to smash something. That translates as at least one wreck per class multiplied by sixteen classes. I’m sorry to report Margret never actually finished a piece. And I’m sorry to report that I demonstrated a really un-teacherly aspect of my personality when I continued to press her as to why she did the fatal thing, if that’s what she knew was going to happen.

A few of the other students asked me to kick her out of the class. They warned me, quite rightly, that she would eventually kill herself. I didn’t have the heart to start the paperwork to expel her. And although she was a supreme challenge, I’m glad I didn’t. Instead I brought donut holes to the classes and those holes were able to distract Margaret for three quarters of the class. She also never killed herself; but I cut myself terribly a few times upon hearing her bellow, ‘F**k it, I knew that was going to happen’. 

The Margaret Martini

2 ounces Tequila

1/2 ounce Triple Sec

2 ounces 7-up

Shake over ice (best to add 7-up after shaking)

Add ice garnish LAST

To make colored ice (to resemble broken glass) I poured a small amount of water to some Tupperware lids and added food coloring - then left them in the freezer all afternoon. You can smash them (Margaret-style) with any utensil. 

Warning:

The food coloring WILL bleed into the drink rather quickly and change the appearance of it. I imagine you could get the same effect with shards of hard candy or sugar. Of course, if anyone has an idea for HOW to stop the food coloring from bleeding into the drink, I'd love to hear it. While it won't effect the taste of the drink, it will produce the following affect upon the bartender: